Must. get. off. this. computer. and. do. something. productive.

I have been so prolific here this week, that I haven't gotten much else done, but I just had to make another entry after reading my favorite humorist's blog today.  You must all visit Green Tuna's blogspot today to read her Halloween Commandments.  I laughed, I cried, I read it again.  See "Tuna News" link on the right. Much lurve to Tuna and Tiny today!

Happy Hollow-weenie

In honor of my favorite holiday, I'd like for all you lurkers and regular visitors to leave a comment.  It doesn't have to be much, just something like "you're fabulous and I love you" will do.  Kidding, just kidding.

Though, I am serious about leaving a comment.  I've noticed more traffic through here lately, and I'd like to see a show of hands instead of mysterious mouse tracks.

Happy haunting!

Promise Keeper

As promised, I found my Fourth of July story!  Since the story exceeds the AOL Journal 2,500 word limit, I had to link the story from my old homepage.  If you look on the right, under "Favorite Sites", then go to #1-(my personal shit), you'll be whisked away to ye ole page.  Then, next to the "recent" picture, you'll see the "True Story" link.   It is a rather long essay, and perhaps offensive to some, (sorry Lonny). Enjoy!

Elfin magic

According to this quiz, I am an... Elfin?  Whaa?  Why can't I be something cool like a Dragon or something?  Just. my. luck.  Now how do I translate that into a costume that people will recognize?  "Hey- you must be an elfin- I love those!"    Yeah, right.

Adjectives of the Day

Today I noticed how similar the words "inept" and "unapt" are, so naturally I had to look them up in the dictionary.  Both words can mean inappropriate. I didn't have a story about this, it was just an FYI, but as I was typing this, my 4 year-old came running in with a picture that she just made for me.  I looked.  It was a purple glittery brain.  Typically I would consider this an unapt drawing for a child, but considering that tomorrow is Halloween, I had to ooh and aww over what a wonderful brain picture it is. And the scary truth~ it actually is a very good-looking brain.

I'm the Ultimate Survivor

Today was my dreaded stint as "Parent Helper" in my daughter's preschool class.  Typically this job is difficult enough, as this is the world-centers-around-me age, but considering that today was the Halloween party and parade, my work was cut out for me with safety scissors.  As the helper, your child is the class leader that day, and they get to stand up front with the teacher and help with the calendar, etc.  Well, Alex is painfully shy, and when asked what today's date was, she didn't respond, so the teacher repeated the question, which caused Alex to burst into tears~ which in turn caused ME to cry, too.  This is only 5 minutes into class.  After that, the children got to parade through the school, (our church), and go into each of the other classrooms show off their costumes, (5 Disney princesses, 2 pirates, 1 cat, 1 dog, a ninja, a cowboy, a devil, a witch, and a cow), so when we get to the two-year-old room, Jacob sees Alex and me, then throws a fit because he has to stay put.  Finally, we return to the classroom, where we have to help these children change out of their costumes and into their clothes, (argh!), then proceed to have a snack, (5 spilled drinks), make skeletons, (glue everywhere), and have playtime.  I had to break up 4 fights over toys, console a little girl who was crying for no apparent reason, then clean up after all of the mayhem. The only good thing about this day is that I don't have to do it again for 6 more weeks.

Alex?  Overstimulated with excitement and candy.

Me?  I want my Mommy and I need a nap!

Still Catching Up

My arm is killin' me from all the hours spent on this system yesterday.  During my computer vacation, my right arm had begun to degenerate.  I think I'll pick up a 4-pack of Mike's tonight and do some curls.

It was nice to be missed.  Thanks to all my friends who sent messages!   I suppose it was a good time to be away from my blog, since life was fairly uneventful this month.  I do regret not knowing about the "Yes Dear/Big Brother" episode that aired during my absence.  I'm just wrecked that I missed it, and am hoping to catch a rerun later this season.  I have been watching the new Joe Millionnaire, and have been much amused by the Euro-Chicks .  They are... hmm....well....interesting, I suppose.  Of all the reality males we've seen, this one seems the least likely to get on with these types.  He's so home-spun, it's comical.  I do think he's cute- nice bod- love the cowboy thing, and a few other little things about him I find appealing, hell ~ I don't even care that he's not a brainiac~ however, his name is Dave, so I had to take points off for that.  I feel sorry for him though.  No way in hell is he going to find "the girl next door" in this bunch~ they're going to eat him alive. 

Other items of note in my life~  Lonny and I went to a haunted hayride last weekend.  It was fun- not scary- and OF COURSE one of the "ghouls" took a liking to Lonny and ended up in the wagon with us.  Figures. 

Also- Carol flew into town for the Eagles concert.  We met at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse for Champagne and "Scooby snacks" pre-show, then waded over to the concert.  We had great seats, and so. much. fun.!  I stayed downtown to party after the concert, and payed dearly for it all day Sunday.  I still haven't talked to Carol since the concert let out, but I did get an email yesterday that said she made it back to Phoenix. Hey Carol- I hope you had as much fun as I did!  I thought about you sometime Sunday, as I took another handful of aspirin, thinking of how hateful it had to be to find your way back to Phoenix that day.  I wouldn't have even made it as far as the airport!

Yes, it really has been almost 3 weeks!

I never thought I'd be so excited to get dial-up, but since being without a home phone and Internet for nearly three weeks, I'm ready to kiss my modem! 

I went to log on after my last entry, only to find that my phone had been disconnected, and after much dicking around, found that it was due to the fact that Dumb Fuck never called the phone company to take his name off my account after our divorce this summer, (they wouldn't take my word for it- assholes), and seems that he owes SBC Ameritech around $500.00 for his personal and business lines, and since his name was still on my account, they decided to shut down all three.  Then the dumb ass lied and told me that he paid the bill and that my phone would be back on at any time, so after waiting for that to never happen, I had to open up a new account, forfeiting my old phone number, (which is a real bitch).  The beauty of the whole thing?  Sticking Dumb Fuck with last month's phone bill.  However, now I have almost 50 emails to catch up on, as well as nearly three weeks of Hamster Time posts and my Survivor Fantasy League to deal with.  I think I'm fucked though, since I didn't have time to dump Trish  before she got the boot last week.  Oh well.  I'm back now, and that's a good feeling. 

Halloween '98

I just found a box of old photos and memorabilia and discovered this picture from a Halloween past.  The hair and tattoos are NOT real, btw.  Too bad you can't see the leather mini and thigh-high boots.  My intention was to be a generic biker-babe, but I won a prize at the party I attended for my great Cher costume.  I had a great time at that party, save for all the lesbians that were starting to piss awwwf my boyfriend.

Survivor's on in 2 hours and I can hardly wait

Newsflash...

Chip and Reichen have split up!  Do you care?  I didn't think so.

FAQ part 3

(read previous 2 entries first)

So~ now I only cook at home, with the exception of an occasional catering gig, (which I don't really enjoy~too much work to cart food, equipment, etc). I still love cooking, but since I now cook so much for the kids, I don't always have the desire to do the gourmet thing, and prefer to go out to dinner.  I'm sure I'll get back to my old ways once the kids are on their own.  Do I regret not going to culinary school?  No.  I believe that I know much more about food and wine than most people who have a degree.  I think that my lack of formal training enabled me to be less structured with recipes and techniques which allowed me to truly express my "inner chef".  I still have the dream of someday opening my own restaurant as proprietor and chef, once I've extinguished my current repertoire of spaghetti-os and cheese pizza. 

FAQ part 2

(read previous entry first)

I spent a lot of time learning about the business in the year that I worked there, until I was approached by one of our regular customers to consider going to work for him at the Omni hotel, which was due to open soon.  I jumped at his offer, and spent many hours in training, and helping to get the hotel opened, and was given the title "Service Coordinator", which functioned as a Maitre D'.  I enjoyed my time there, though after 2 years, I quit, due to the crap that we had to deal with that came from being owned by a hotel.  I took a little time away from the business at that time, though a few months later found that I missed the restaurant business, and wanted to see if I would be happy working in a privately-owned establishment.  Enter Pesto.  Pesto was a Northern Italian restaurant located downtown, and I spent 5 happy years there, 4 as the General Manager.  I enjoyed almost everything about my position, but mostly being in charge of the menu, and recipe development.  I spent more time in the kitchen than in the front of the house. After leaving Pesto, I managed a bed and breakfast, which entailed everything from cleaning toilets to making breakfast.  Also during this time, I started catering out of my home.    My last job in the business was at the Skyline Club, where I'd just been offered the Maitre D' position, but had to turn it down, due to my impending marraige and baby...(continued)

FAQ-

"Are you a real chef"? 

 Technically, no.  Here's my story...  In high school, my parents wouldn't allow me to leave school early, unlike so many of my friends who only had to take a few classes to meet their requirements, so I found myself with several periods in which to either spend in study hall, or independent studies.  Well, since I'd taken all the home ecconomics, (cooking~NOT sewing), courses availible my first three years, I decided to spend three hours a day in independent study in the home ec kitchen.  I was in charge of ordering all food and supplies for the department, teaching the boy's class,  and inventing recipes, as well as cooking whatever and whenever I wanted.  When it came time to consider college, I begged my parents to send me to culinary school, but they demanded that I go get my liberal arts degree first, and then persue cooking.  So- a year and a half into majoring in Telecommunications at a local, private college, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I dropped out of school, and went to work at the Indiana Repertory Theatre, so that I could afford my own apartment and become independent.  It was then that I decided that I could learn the culinary trade from the ground up, so I spent many hours with the beverage manager of the Theatre, learning about liquors, wine, and beer.  Shortly thereafter, I got a job as a cocktail waitress at the restaurant next door, and embarked on my new career.  I didn't spend much time "cocktailing", because I kept getting in trouble for spending too much time in the kitchen, talking to the chef, so I leaped on the opportunity to join the staff of a new restaurant in town as a food server.

(I have to continue this in another entry, since AOL is hateful and won't allow me to exceed 2500 words)....

For those of you, (I know who you are), who have no love for sports, you can skip this entire entry.  HOWEVER- be advised that this is the happiest Tuesday morning I can ever remember.  Why, you ask?  Well, if you'd watched Monday Night Football you would know.   Last night, the Colts became the 1st team in NFL history to win after trailing by 21 or more points with less than 4 minutes of regulation play.  At halftime, I almost turned the game off.  It was 0-21, and I couldn't bear to watch our team lose big on primetime television, but I left the game on, and was richly rewarded. Coach Dungy?  I hope that the game win was the best birthday present you've ever received!  Aren't you glad the Bucs fired you in '02?!    Mike Vanderjagt?  I still hate you, but you made the FG at the right time!   Marvin Harrison and Rickey Williams?  You guys rock!   Peyton Manning?  Marry me!

I'd been hearing Tampa referred to as having "The world's greatest defense".  Yeah, well, you guys looked rediculous last night, losing your 21 point lead in 4 minutes.

Yes, my beloved Colts are undefeated, and are enjoying their best start since 1977!  Yes, I do know that they're still the Colts, and a some point this season, they're gonna choke, but you gotta give it to us for last night's game.  That was Monday Night Football at it's best.  Unless you're from Tampa. 

                                                                                                                 

Hello Fireman Dave?  Why oh why did you call my house 5 times between midnight and one this morning?  Why can't you call me, say Tuesday afternoon, and ask me if I'd like to go out to dinner on Friday, or something?!  Am I so low on your list that I get the Sunday Night Booty Call?  You'll notice that I did not call you back, nor will I. 

Not 'til Friday night, anyway.

So~ I'm behind...sue me.

Yes, my previous post did kinda say that I had some work in progress, and due to a couple of emails, I'm guessing that some of you think that I had some juicy story to perfect.  Well, you're wrong.  The work in progress is ME. 

However...

The weekend wasn't a total bust, Lonny called me Saturday morning to tell me that he was on his way over and that we were going to Ohio.  Huh?  Okay, um, well, I was knee-deep in laundry, (read-nothing clean to pack), and hadn't showered, and mostly- my KIDS were home.  DF (dumb-fuck for you newbies), didn't show to pick them up this weekend, (surprised? not.), so I was planning on doing the Mommy thing all weekend, but noooo, Lonny had other plans.  I just could not imagine dealing with both kids in the car for a 3 hour trip there, short visit, then 3 hours back.  But, as luck would have it, Nana wanted to have sis stay overnight, so I only had to worry about Jacob.  We finally  (bold, underlined, italics), got our show on the road at 5:30, (yeah, p.m.), and made it to Lonny's dad's house at 10:00 Ohio time, and stayed for a mere 2 hours, then drove home.  Why?  I don't know. I guess because Lonny said so.  The good news?  Jacob was a perfect angel.  The bad news?  When we got home at 3 a.m., Jacob decided that it was morning, and was ready for a bagel and cartoons.  I let him.  Why not?  You're only almost-2 once.

The trip was fun, 'cause it gave Lonny and I several hours just to talk, although his Caddy was up to the usual tricks.  For those of you who remember my "What I did for the Fourth of July" story, (I'll try to dig it up this week) - does "Transmition Hot~Idle Engine" ring a bell? Let me just say that Lonny's car is posessed, and it's time to trade that sucker in!

Today's Work ~ In Progress

(Read subject;  Stay tuned.)

Friday Schmiday

Has anyone seen autumn?  I've already had to tear the coat closet apart in search of two almost-matching gloves.  Yet, it's supposed to be in the high 70's next week. Great. After two freezes that poached most of my tender annuals, now the front beds look like ass and it's going to be an "Indian Summer."  Whatever.

Speaking of coat closets- Green Tuna reported that in her fall coat she found a bag of Hershey Kisses with almonds, (how big are her pockets, anyway?), and Rappy found $30.00.  Needless to say, I ran to check the pockets of my coats, and alas, found a total of 38 cents, several battered tissues, something that resembled a mint, an expired diaper coupon, two hair scrunchies, and a receipt from Blockbuster.  Figures.

Blow Me Cheesecake

A few weeks ago, I entered the Ben & Jerry's Rock the Vote/Name that Flavor competition.  The contest was for AOL members only, and it gave members a chance to select the name for a new ice cream.  Three winning entries would then be voted on by AOL members.  The ice cream is a strawberry cheesecake flavor with graham cracker swirl, and the contest rules wanted a name that was 1.) No longer than 20 letters/spaces, 2.) descriptive of the flavor, and 3.) election, (non-partisan), themed.

Well, my Dad and I both submitted entries, (only one per person, please), his was "Cheesecake Candidate" and mine was "Campaign Cheesecake".  Both names, I thought were good enough to win.  The results?  We lost.  Adding insult to injury, today the three finalists were announced, and they, (IMHO), are sucktacular.

1. Berry Rock-US Caucus

2. Primary Berry Graham

3. My Straw(berry) Vote

So- I am exersizing my right NOT to vote in the stupid flavor election.  Ben and Jerry's? Yeah, I got your number, and I fucking hate ice cream anyway!

Survivor Day

Horray!  Carol sent me an email from Phoenix to tell me that she passed the bar exam!  I had no doubt, but am still very excited for her.  I sent her a "Happy Bar Mitzvah" ecard, because I couldn't find a "Congratulations on Passing the Bar Exam" card.  She appreciated the humor and the sentiment. Next up?  Nevada Bar Exam.  Way to go, Carol!

My favorite new show? MXC on Spike TV. http://www.spiketv.com/shows/meec/

I read this on the Indiana AOL message board today...A survivor sighting!

Well, I did it.  I changed the cat litter AND got the trash out in time.  Now I'm taking a much-needed break.  I'm thinking that I need to buy my spring bulbs, and since that is way more important than laundry or cleaning, I need to dash over and spend a couple of hours buying stuff.  Right after my nap.

Woo Hoo Wednesday

My folks are finally back from Florida, and just came by and picked up my kids!  YAY!  I have the whole day, (until 5:30), away from children!  Although, my cats are already in my face, and I'm trying to think of a way to get someone to come and take them for the day. I really have about a thousand things that I should be doing today, but instead, I ran immediately to my computer.  It is the vehicle for my work-avoidance.  I feel like I can't possibly clean the cat litter, take out the trash, clean the bathrooms, vacuum, etc. until I've checked my my email, surfed around, and "blogged".  Once I hear the trashman coming down the street, I'll have to run like a mad-woman to get it to the curb on time.  Trust me, dirty diapers and  cat poop is not the kind of trash you want to be stuck with for another week!  After that, I'll probably have to check my email again.  Then I'll have to run to the store because I'm out of diet coke, and by the time I get back, I'll have some fascinating story to add to this blog.  By then it will be too late to get started on any major cleaning projects, so I'll probably play Scrabble until I realize that it's time to get the kids ~ cussing all the way to Mom's that I didn't get anything done today.